There is no shortage of experts offering advice on how to have good sex. Although I don’t think of myself as an expert on sex, I do have some experience with it and thought that I would add my voice to the conversation about it by adding a few unconventional insights.
I first want to explore a spiritual aspect of good sex. I believe that sex is best seen as a form of physical and spiritual communion for the participants. It is through sex that we achieve the most intimate and deep connection between people available to humans. In good sex, we are exploring each other bodies and conveying the gift of pleasure to our partner, while, at the same time, making ourselves vulnerable to them and engendering trust between the participants. The excitement and connection that result from that almost defies description. For those who have ever locked eyes with their partner during sex, this phenomenon can be especially palpable and powerful. Not surprisingly, some of the drugs people take in connection with sex are used because they heighten the sense of connection participants feel during sex. And, if I may offer a further thought, for the many people who believe that a part of God dwells within each of us or for mystics who believe that we can access God directly, we can also regard the communion between sexual partners that I have referred to above as a communion between each participant and God.
Now, what I have described above is what I believe happens in the course of good sex. That is to be contrasted with the stunted, dissatisfying, or even unpleasant feeling that occurs with sex with an angry partner or a partner who is distracted or on dissociative drugs and who are thus not fully present. Sex with an angry person is not a form of communion, but rather (unless you are a practitioner of sadomasochism) a physically and spiritually unpleasant and alienating activity, while sex with a person who is not fully present due to distraction or intoxication is also not a form of communion, as there is no one there to commune with.
While we are on the subject of the spiritual aspects of sex, I also wanted to take issue with the notion that sex is something sinful and ungodly. Nothing could be further from the truth than regarding sex in this way. While there are types of sex that are evil or bad (e.g., sex with a child, coerced sex, compulsive sex), for the spiritually-inclined person, sex was given to us by God for the purpose of procreating and for giving humans pleasure through the physical and spiritual communion described above. I don’t know why certain faiths condemn or restrict sex, but suppose it may have something to do with some sort of need to control adherents and maintain social order that is not very relevant to today. I firmly believe that God wanted us to enjoy sex and to bond with others through it. It makes little sense to me that God would give us this gift, but not want us to indulge in it responsibly. Some might contend it was intended to test our strength to resist the yearnings of the flesh, but I am not buying that. The notion of communion through shared pleasure makes much more sense to me, is certainly a much happier way to regard sex, and is much more consistent with the notion of a loving God.
Finally, ever wonder why some people make especially good sexual partners? They just seem to know what feels good. Of course, experience may explain some of that. But a further explanation can be found in the heightened experience that can come from having sex with an empath. Empaths, who are a relatively rare breed, are individuals who readily absorb and experience the feelings and emotions of others. When engaging in sex, they can actually experience the pleasure of their partner, giving them greater insight into how to give their partner pleasure. (If their partner also happens to be a highly sensitive person (HSP), who experience pleasure, beauty, and other aspects of life more intensely than non-HSPs, the sexual experience will be heightened even further.) In some cases, non-empaths engaged in physical intimacy with an empath partner will obtain some empathic ability from their empath partner, and will thus have their pleasure enhanced as well as they absorb their partner’s pleasure. So, for all those seeking greater sexual pleasure, be on the lookout for the empaths out there.
